MSP
by silversilence208
Summary: Lenalee finds and adopts a baby named Ozwald. How can this innocent looking baby cause so much trouble? Warning: Crack fic! Yaoi! random unexplainable stuff that makes no sense! and Pedo's!
1. Chapter 1

~MSP~

Chapter 1

~Ozwald~

Kitty: so this is another crack fic…

Mo: Yayz Tyki's in it! :D

Kitty: …. She's the co-author

Mo: TYKI! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Kitty: … we do not own –man or any of its characters just any random OC's we create on the spot…

"Lenalee… what is that you're holding?" Komui questioned, trying to get a better look at the object in his sister's arms. Lenalee backed up from her brother holding the object closer.

"If I tell you will you allow me to keep it?" she asked.

"Of course I'd let my darling sister keep anything~" he cried spinning around it circles. Lenalee sweatdropped.

"I found him on my mission. His mom was killed by an akuma. I just felt so bad because I couldn't save her in time and decided that we should give him a second chance at the order." She said, tears coming to her eyes.

"OF COURSE YOU CAN KEEP IT! EVERYONE WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM!" Komui squealed taking the small baby out of Lenalee's arms. The baby stared at Komui before quickly vomiting on him. "It-It-It-Its…. SO CUTE!" he huggled the baby ignoring the vomit. Lenalee couldn't help but think that her brother may be a pedo, I mean he did sometimes sneak into her room at night and videotape her sleeping.

"WAHHH!" Cried the baby.

"AHHHH WHAT DO I DO! WHAT DO I DO!", yelled Komui as he frantically rocked the baby back and forth.

"Stop you're scaring him", Lenalee informed him as she took the baby boy from his arms, "It's okay little Ozwald, you're safe now~" she cooed.

"Ozwald?" asked Komui

"Yes, the baby's new name is Ozwald" replied Lenalee

" Aww but I was going to call him Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV!"

"What kind of name is that!"

"The best name ever!"

"Sometimes I wonder about your mental health brother." Lenalee sweatdropped before huggling little 'Ozwald.' 'Ozwald' laughed shaking its little fists back and forth. "I'm going to show him the rest of the exorcists!" she said before walking out of her brother's office with the orders newest member.

Soon after she left she saw our favorite PMSing exorcist! That's right! Kanda!

"Kanda!" Lenalee called to the Japanese teen, "I have someone I want you to meet!" As soon as Kanda saw Ozwald he froze. No. He couldn't let anyone know about his fondness for babies! Like Sheryl he had a soft spot for children (or in Sheryl case hard spot…). Kanda quickly recovered himself and shot little Ozwald a glare. If looks could kill the little Ozwald would've been stabbed through the back multiple times before being kicked and crushed by a car.

"Get that thing away from me!" Kanda hissed before storming away. Lenalee stuck her tongue out at Kanda's retreating figure.

"Don't take it personally Ozwald. Kanda just doesn't like anyone!" Oh if only she knew about Kanda and Allen's relationship (*Insert evil smirk here* If only Lenalee knew about what the two exorcists did at night. Muahahahaha). Ozwald just gave Lenalee a retarded look before making a sound that sounded sort of like a half strangled pig. Lenalee just cried at the cuteness of the baby before continuing her mission to show the order the child.

After 3 hours Lenalee had showed the baby of to everyone. Everyone's reaction was different. Lavi had tried teaching Ozwald pranks to play on Kanda, Allen tried to feed him ice cream (which Lenalee had said was a wrong choice for his first solid food), Miranda had said how much she wanted a child someday (after that no one could find her or Marie for the rest of the day…), and everyone else had reactions that will not be listed because the author (Kitty) is lazy! :D

"Well Ozwald!" Lenalee said as she tucked the baby into bed. "Welcome to your new home!"

Later that night, Link, Leverrier, and Jerry snuck into Ozwald's room, but none of them knew that the others had snuck in. Jerry was there to send the baby off to cooking school to learn how to cook his own meals because, at dinner, this baby kept throwing his food onto the floor, not even appreciating his work of art. Link was looking for Allen (who was in Kanda's room) and looked everywhere except here. Leverrier was just there to watch him sleep like he usually does to Allen but, like Link, couldn't find him.

Suddenly they all bumped into each other.

"Aha! Caught you Allen!" whispered Link.

"My little weenies in a blanket!" cried a frightened Leverrier

"OMG!" said Jerry.

"Why are you here!" They all asked each other in sync.

"I'm here because I was looking for Allen." explained Link.

" I'm here to…. Um…. make sure this baby got a bottle? " said Jerry.

" Ummmmmmmmm….. I'm here because….. ummmmm… make sure… ummmm… giggity!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" cried Ozwald who was awakened by all the sudden noise the adults were making. The three tried desperately to calm the child down but just ended up making him cry louder, waking up Lenalee who had now become, like her brother over her, over protective of Ozwald.

"Leverrier you Bitch! Get the Fuck away from Ozwald!" she cried before her foot met his face. Link and Jerry just watched as the angered Lenalee beat the shit out of Leverrier. Neither one of them wanted to get beat up so the quickly left before Lenalee turned on them.

As this action sequence happened, Ozwald climbed out of his crib, unnoticed, and fell down the conveniently placed garbage chute…. TO BE CONTINUED

Kitty: yays for conveniently placed things! *rolls eyes*

Mo: You know what that means! :D

Both: SECOND CHAPTER!:DDDDDDDDDDDDD

Everyone else: GOD DAMMIT!

Kitty: And there will be more Yaoi next chapter! :DDDDDD

Mo: whatever

Kitty: REVIEW OR WE'LL HAVE LEVERRIER WATCH YOU SLEEP! O_o


	2. Chapter 2

MSP 2

~Sheryl~

Kitty: OMFG second chapter! Sadly Mo is not here…. But on with the story! And you all know I don't own –man so whatever!

Day 1-Living Room

The following morning Leverrier was in the hospital with life threatening injuries while Lenalee was frantically looking for Ozwald. She had looked practically everywhere and had almost beaten three finders to death looking for information on his disappearance!

She had even ran in on Kanda and Allen having sex… lets just say it made her want to write a fanfiction!

Little did she know that Ozwald had happened to fall into the hands of… Sheryl… oh crap.

"What I cute little Baby!" Sheryl squealed as he picked up Ozwald. Ozwald took one look at Sheryl's face and started screaming and crying in fear at the 'rape face.'

"Don't cry! I've got candy! And Akuma!" That just made Ozwald cry more as Sheryl's face just got creepier and creepier!

(at the Noah mansion)

"You can not keep it!" Tyki said sternly. Sheryl started crying, trying his best to make a puppy dogface… but it turned out more like a dying hippo face…, which made Ozwald, kick and cry again…

"Leave him alone Tyki-pon!" Road cried, sticking her tongue out at her uncle.

"I think we should eat is~" The earl smiled. Everyone stared at him.

"Earl? What are you on?" Sheryl asked, a wtf look plastered on his face. The Earl's smile widened… if that was even possible… apparently it was…

"Crack, Steroids, Sedatives, Hashish, Inhalants, Heroin, LSD-"

"We get it." Road dead paned. The Earl's smile grew even wider before falling over side ways and having a seizer…

…

Kitty- …. I know that was short but at least I updated… please don't kill me! Oh and please review! ^^


	3. Chapter 3

MSP 3

Mo: Okayz guys I took over MSP cause kitty is busy so here's a new chapter

Oh and I don't own –man or any of it's characters, but I do own my characters that I created

Day 2- The Living Room

"Omg why is he crying!" panicked Shyrl as he was frantically shaking the baby while holding it upside down by the leg

"I told you not to do that" Rhode spat nastily at Shyrl as she grabbed the crying baby, also holding it upside down by the leg

"Lemme hold it." demanded the Earl

"Fine." Rhode reluctantly obeyed her master's wishes and handed the child to him even though he still had side effects from his drug addiction.

"Let's see," the Earl said as he observed the child, "I have no idea how to care for children, let's eat him."

"That's kind of gross, no matter how much I hate humans. So we're not eating him." said Shyrl. The Earl suddenly had an arm spasm and threw the baby into the air just over where Tyki was sitting. Tyki caught him and sat the giggling baby on his lap.

"Apparently none of us do." stated Tyki calmly

"Breakfast's ready!" Chimed one of Shyrl's many maids

"I've got it!" exclaimed Shyrl "He's hungry!" The Noah family sat there in silence because nobody knew what to do.

"What do babies eat?" Asked Tyki

"I remember when we were little mom always fed you mashed carrots." Said Sheryl to the others " She also made interesting sounds in the bedroom with many of her boyfriends at night…..anyway, Mary (one of the maids) prepare mashed carrots!"

"Yes sir." Obeyed the servant

Day 2- Breakfast

Since most of the Noahs had more important things to do after eating (Shyrl doing ambassador stuff, the Earl plotting, Rhode playing with Lero and Lulubell helping the Earl) Tyki was in charge of feeding the baby.

"Let's see," Tyki mumbled to himself, "Open up wide?" The baby sat there drooling on himself and flailing his arms. "C'mon I don't have all day." asked Tyki. The baby continued drooling and flailing.

"* sigh*I know I'm not your father but can you just cooperate so we can get this over with." Tyki then began daydreaming what it would be like going back to his friends, working in the mines, laughing, drinking coffee and reminiscing about the bosses, and feeling truly welcomed. He quickly dismissed that thought after thinking about what would happen to this baby if he left. Within five minutes, the baby would have been repeatedly molested by Shyrl, mistreated by Rhode and probably killed or eaten alive by the Earl. When Tyki finally got a hold of himself, he took the opportunity to shove a spoonful of carrots into the baby's mouth. Scared of this new experience, the baby started crying.

"Oh great," complained Tyki "don't cry, it's only carrots"

"WAHHHHH" Cried the baby intensely.

Based on the fear shown in the baby's eyes, Tyki realized that this must have been his first time eating solid food. He immediately felt foolish for this obvious mistake and raced to the ice box for a milk bottle.

"Here." Tyki said handing the baby the bottle. The baby was fiddling with the bottle, pushing and knocking it around the high chair. "Crap." Tyki mumbled to himself for, once again, being stupid. He gently hoisted the baby from the high chair, carried him to the rocking chair near the fireplace and began rocking him back and forth, back and forth. As he was rocking, the baby's eyelids slowly closed a little more with each movement. Without any sudden movements, Tyki slid the nipple of the bottle passed the baby's lips and into his mouth. The baby tenderly sucked milk from the bottle, eyes still closed. Once he had his fill, the baby let out a long yawn and fell into a deep sleep. While Tyki watched this all unfold, he had an began to wonder if humans were all horrible, or just some.

Mo: REVIEW or shyrl will get you!

I will try and post sometimes but I'm also a busy person so I'll try to post at least once a month! Keep and eye out for new chapters!


	4. Chapter 4

Mo: Yayz! It's almost Christmas! So make sure to make it a good one! Also, I don't own –man or any of its characters, but I do own Ozwald.

Tyki: What the crap is wrong with you, how could you do this to me 0_o

Mo: Hehehe

The Convenience Store Mishap

"Tyki don't go! I'll miss you!" begged Rhode as she gripped to Tyki's leg like a young child to its mother.

"Yeah Tyki, we'll miss you!" Agreed Shyrl who was on the opposite leg

"Seriously guys, cut it out," scowled Tyki, "I'm going to buy some more cigarettes, I'll be back in twenty minutes, the kid's sleeping so DON'T bother him." As he said this, Tyki shook the two off his legs, both now sobbing, off his leg and rushed out the door. Like a switch, the shut of the door silenced Rhode's crying (Shyrl still continued).

"Oh Earl," Sang Rhode, "He's gone." The Earl, grinning very naughtily and mischievously, took out a suitcase full of his drugs.

"Already on it" He replied, holding out his arm with different colored needles sticking out of every vein.

Twenty minutes later

"Hey guys, I'm ba-"Tyki stopped in his tracks as he gaped, dumbfounded at the sight inside the gates of his brother's house. Before him, he saw: the Earl on the roof with a crying Ozwald, strapped to rotisserie, hanging over an open fire; the twins (where they came from was unknown) were playing pyromaniac and setting fire to whatever they got their hands on; Shyrl running around totally naked screaming "RHODE WHERE ARE YOU HONEY LET'S PLAY HIDE AND SEEK, IN THE CLOSET"; and Lulu Bell sitting quietly in an armchair on the front lawn watching the scene unfold.

"WHAT happened?" Tyki demanded

"Well, where to begin," muttered Lulu Bell, " I went downstairs, saw the five of them huddled around what looked like the Earl's drug stash, which they were injecting into their bodies, and the next thing I knew, the chair I was sitting on in the living room was on the front lawn."

"Get up and help me calm them down." Tyki glared

"Feisty aren't we, well I don't have much else to do…. Fine, I'll help but you have to go out on a date with me"

"We'll discuss terms later."

"So maybe?"

"We'll see... **." Tyki raced over to the twins and swiftly wacked both of them in the forehead with and empty wine bottle he found on the grass. Lulu changed into a jaguar and climbed onto the roof and snatched Ozwald from the rotisserie and shoved a sleeping pill into the Earl's mouth. He immediately collapsed and rolled, like a watermelon, off the roof. As Tyki was about to knock Shyrl out with a kick in the head, Shyrl collapsed on the ground. Tyki threw a towel over him and summoned an akuma and gave him orders to lock him in a closet until further notice.

"Here's the kid." Lulu Bell said handing the wailing Ozwald over to Tyki.

"I'll be right back," Whispered Tyki, "tie them up, I have to take care of some business." Tyki stormed into Rhode's room. "What is wrong with you?" Yelled Tyki, "Why didn't stop them? How did the Earl find his Drugs?"

"Because I can't stand IT", Hissed Rhode as she pointed to Ozwald, "Nobody ever looks at me anymore, it's all about him all the time." Tyki said nothing, just looked at her with such a glare of disgust that anybody but Rhode would have died of the evil acid it spewed at your soul. He stormed out of the room.

Later that night…

"Good luck little guy," Whispered Tyki to Ozwald, "You're too much trouble here, so you can help us destroy our enemies, they're clumsy but are too good to hurt you." That was the last of Ozwald Tyki ever saw after he laid the baby on a cloud of tease and instructed them to lay him at the gate of the Black Order.

Mo: I'll put up a new chapter in about two weeks, a month max, so stay tuned!

Tyki: Wait, there's another chapter?

Mo: Don't worry you're not in it

Tyki: Wha-

Mo: Thanks for reading, Please review or the twins will play pyromaniacs around you house!


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